I wish I could teleport
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
