Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
