Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We have started to decorate penises.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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