I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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