it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want a musical about memes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
