I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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