it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Enjoy the penises
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
