no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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