I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
