CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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