I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
