her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
