you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Boobs are out for the taking
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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