Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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