all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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