absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
