My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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