last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
