so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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