Quick, to the slutcave!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
