STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
