I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
