Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
