The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
