I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
