Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
