Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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