Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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