I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
