I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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