The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
