I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
