butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
