i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
