I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
