U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
