I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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