her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
