During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
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yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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