and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
