His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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