who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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