dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
