yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
