I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
