the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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