Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
