I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
