I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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