I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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