9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
