I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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