I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
