Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
