piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
