Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
