I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
