I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
