Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just high enough for therapy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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