ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
