ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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