Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
