My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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