Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
