I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
