I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
