Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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