it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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