This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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