I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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