New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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