you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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