you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
