This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
