I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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