And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
