I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
