Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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