in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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