the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
