I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
