I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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