On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
