i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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