Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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